A Homeless Life

Every time I see a homeless person it overwhelms me with the ghosts of my past

It takes me back to one of the lowest points of my life to date, That time when I wasn’t sure where I’d be sleeping that night, Those nights where you force yourself to stay awake as you wait anxiously from one of your friends if you can crash on their floor. It was a horrible time luckily at the time I had a terrific circle of friends and I became a permeant fixture on a few of their floors, but on a couple of occasions I was left with no where to go and ended up asleep in a corner of a car park curled up next to my motorbike, It was a vile part of my life and three years on I’ve still not got a permeant adress I’ve still got a mother that has disowned me. Luckily then I had good circle of friends but now I have hardly any as most people have drifted away I mean if this happened again I wouldn’t know what to do saying that now I have a girlfriend who I love ever so much and a best friend who has become a brother to me.

You don’t realise how important 4 walls are to you until they are taken away from you, I still don’t feel happy knowing where I live now is still on a temporary thing, the lose of your personal space and a place to call home can cause an incredible amount of grief to yourself. The only thing I’ve learnt from this ordeal is that its not good to be materialistic, I mean I’ve moved nearly 10 times in the last 5 years and all I have to my name is my camera, a motorbike, a bicycle, some clothes and a laptop. I can fit my life into a boot of a car with room to spare. I've learnt to cherish the world for what it is because of it all.

The guilt I feel when a homeless persons asks for some change is awful I feel like a terrible person as I can’t help them and I have been helped so many times before. I really wish I could do something more worthwhile but alas I am in not fit financial state  to help. I’d like to think one day I could use my love of photography to help raise more awareness of homelessness, as the long term effects are the most unpleasant, I still live in fear of not knowing where I’m going to be living in the next few months and I’ve developed the most vexatious of anxiety disorders which is on a day to day basis is very difficult to live with. 

James. 

1. PIcture 1: A homeless man I photographed in London
2. Picture 2: The morning after I slept in a car park
3. Picture 3: What I looked on a daily basis in 2009 grey, tired and ever so thin